Two weeks ago, I posted about how this season feels like running a race that will never end. In that post, I talked about the training process and how we can look to our Coach for strength to keep running. This week I want to share with you another post about running that I wrote during a different race in my life.
In 2012, I faced a brain tumor diagnosis and subsequent surgery which brought my life to a halt. Through the healing process, I wrestled with who I was and in whom I put my trust. An otherwise frightening situation bore fruit of self-reflection, firm faith foundations, and strength to face future mountains in life. I experienced what it meant to “walk through the valley of the shadow of death” and come out on the other side with a greater understanding of the comfort of the God who never left my side.
Now eight years later, I find myself in a similar position. The valley looks different, but the One who walks with me is the same. Despite the glaring difficulties of the season, I see glimpses of beauty, find spaces for self-reflection, and savor the slowness of a walk with my Father. In the darkness, the roots of my heart delve deeper into the soil of my Savior. Hope whispers over my worries and wraps me in comfort. The shedding of schedules leaves space to commune with my Creator and leaves me craving more.
In the difficulties of life, heaven holds my heart, and I see a glimpse of home. When the race seems too hard to run and the future uncertain, the only way to walk forward is by listening to the One who held me in the storms of yesterday.
Lord, you carried me through the darkest nights. You held me when I couldn’t stand on my own. Without you, I would not have survived the fight.
Yet now I hear you say, “It’s time to walk, my child. It’s time to run.”
I don’t want to, Lord.
I want to stay safely tucked in your arms. I want to feel the security of your warm embrace. I want to hear the soft whisper of your loving voice clearly and feel the peace of resting in your arms. I want you to hold me, forever.
“Walk, my child. Run,” you say.
Lord, I am scared.
“Do not be afraid, my child. I know life can be scary, but it is your road to run. You will have the strength and security you need with each step. I will guide you and protect you. I will give you peace.”
But Lord, what will the world say about me?
“Child, you are mine. My love for you is greater than anything of this world, and you are my child. That is what you are! Hold tight to this truth, my love. And nothing this world says about you will hurt you. Find your confidence in the love I have for you.”
“Walk, my child. Run.”
But how, Lord?
“Place one foot in front of the other, trusting me. One step at a time, I will be with you. Keep your eyes on me, and I will show you the way.”
But Lord, why?
“You still have work to do. It is not time for you and me to stay together forever. That will come. I promise you. For now I am with you in Spirit, and you must walk. You can run. You can make my name known in this world.”
“Walk, my child. Run.”
Lord, help me.
I will walk. I will run.
